December 8, 2010

spiraling and spinning. my world is closing in
yet I must push through. seek the light, stop
pretending, living dreams that don’t really exist
I know my destiny, know that I owe and must. I
cannot have what I need, what may even quench
my thirst or bring me a kinder peace.

I have dug my grave. sinful, deviant and destroying
of people’s lives. Why did I find myself there, alone
with no one to guide me. so much pain and me young,
confused, unsure. moved from paradise and happiness
to a sudden berated abusive existence. vile lonely farm
that made it possible to need so badly.

I am close to an end, which one I cannot know yet, my
life not quite destined. my death not determined, yet
always present. destruction seems like the only course,
the only way that I can see wherever I look. I am not
alone. there are worse fates, worse existences, worse
endings. I have to find mine soon.

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